Difficult situations - for my Foundation Students

Hi there,

Over the last couple of weeks you've been doing some homework on difficult people and difficult situations.

Here are some points that I've written about how to deal with a difficult situation.

Generally speaking, I try to separate the person from the behaviour. Rather than saying, "She's irritating', I'd try to say ' Her behaviour is irritating'. Here I'm focusing on her actions rather than her as a person and this can help when I have to deal with her subsequently. Another thing I try to do is perhaps make a mental note of the behaviours that irritate me - perhaps she interrupts me all the time, perhaps she refuses to let me express my point of view, or maybe she takes up all the discussion time with her opinions.

I think one thing to always bear in mind is that you should acknowledge their behaviour. People behave unreasonably when their needs are not met, so listen to what they are communicating and let them know you have heard.For example;

• they are angry so say to them "I can see / hear you are angry".
  
  
• they want attention so say to them "That's a good idea" or "That's an interesting point".
  

Once you've acknowledged their emotions and feelings, identify what they want. You can simply ask them, repeat it back so you have both clearly understood and decide if it is feasible. If it isn't, remember you must say why. Remember, you must always stay calm.

Acknowledge your feelings too and state them too just so the other person knows how you feel. BUT STAY CALM!!!

If things are getting difficult, state indisputable facts, e.g. "This is a seminar and the issue cannot be resolved now". Make sure you state what you want, "I want to leave this until we all feel calmer" but always leave doors open - in other words, be prepared to negotiate a reasonable compromise or to find a bridge - even if you feel the other person should be taking the initiative. Also, in a group, write down the agreed solution so that it is clear and on record.

A final point, if you are working with people who are behaving in a more difficult way, then perhaps consider the fact that they may not be clear or happy about what is expected of them. Try to include them in key decisions, negotiate and clarify targets and ensure that their role offers sufficient challenge and interest.

A very last point, don't ever dump your feelings on another - if you're angry or sad about something that has little to do with the other person, don't unload your emotions on them. Long term this is bad news!

Hi there,

Well I thought I'd put some information about Sri Lanka, as it took my fancy and I thought you might be interested in it. It's only the first,,,otherwise I might go on for hours.

While I was in Sri Lanka I visited an elephant orphanage, which, as the name suggests, looks after elephant orphans. It was perhaps a bit of a tourist trap but who can resist something like this?

It's on the way to Kandy, whish is a city in the hill country and the train or bus there takes you through really lush vegetation. Before I went to Sri Lanka, I only thought of it like this but in reality this is only a part of it. There is the tea country, the hill country, the ancient cities and the south where it's flat and you can go on safari. Obviously there's the north, but I didn't go there as a tourist because of the trouble. However, we did work with some schools up there and some teachers got the chance to go there. Anyway, here's a nice picture of the stilt fishermen at night on the beach just down from Unawatuna (where the last picture is).

Me and Gateshead/Newcastle

Well, I'm living with my partner, David, who's a part-time EAP tutor and part-time homeopath. We live in Gateshead which is famous for the Angel of the North, whcih was made by Anthony Gormley, an artist from the area. Actually, I really like this area becuase there's so much going on. It's true that there are gaggles of girls on hen parties at a weekend, but there's also quite a few theatres, some pretty avant-garde, as well as arthouse cinema, great coastline and a plethora of castles. Here are some pictures of places around here - I can't take credit for these as I don't actually have a digital camera.





This is the Angel of the North. It's just round the corner from me. The picture doesn't do it credit - when you stand next to it, you don't even come up to the top of his foot.

This is the quayside - on the left you can see Baltic art gallery, which is a modern art gallery, and the millenium bridge. In the distance you can see some of the other bridges - Tyne, High and Swing bridge.









This is Bamburgh castle, which is as magnificent as it looks. It's really imposing and is near the beach below, which is a National Trust property. It's called Druridge Bay.

Some information about me

Well, here's some information about myself - I'm an EFL tutor and a teacher trainer living in Gateshead in the blustery but beautiful northeast...I've only been here about three years in total as I've lived abroad for a fair time. The last place I went to was fairly exotic - Sri Lanka which was fantastic, but the place I stayed the most was Italy, which was lovely. I managed to see a lot of it, as I was there for 11 years - 2 and 1/2 years in the south near Naples, in fact a small place called Agropoli and the rest of the time near Lake Maggiore near the Swiss border. So, what did I do in my free time? Well, here I don't do that much,,,I commute, but at weekends, I do pottery, go walking and go to the cinema. In Italy I used to go diving a lot, but it's just a little cold here.

Here's a photo of me in September with some friends in Italy doing what we enjoy most,,,eating and drinking good food and wine in company in a beautiful place. I'm the one in the red in the corner.