Difficult situations - for my Foundation Students

Hi there,

Over the last couple of weeks you've been doing some homework on difficult people and difficult situations.

Here are some points that I've written about how to deal with a difficult situation.

Generally speaking, I try to separate the person from the behaviour. Rather than saying, "She's irritating', I'd try to say ' Her behaviour is irritating'. Here I'm focusing on her actions rather than her as a person and this can help when I have to deal with her subsequently. Another thing I try to do is perhaps make a mental note of the behaviours that irritate me - perhaps she interrupts me all the time, perhaps she refuses to let me express my point of view, or maybe she takes up all the discussion time with her opinions.

I think one thing to always bear in mind is that you should acknowledge their behaviour. People behave unreasonably when their needs are not met, so listen to what they are communicating and let them know you have heard.For example;

• they are angry so say to them "I can see / hear you are angry".
  
  
• they want attention so say to them "That's a good idea" or "That's an interesting point".
  

Once you've acknowledged their emotions and feelings, identify what they want. You can simply ask them, repeat it back so you have both clearly understood and decide if it is feasible. If it isn't, remember you must say why. Remember, you must always stay calm.

Acknowledge your feelings too and state them too just so the other person knows how you feel. BUT STAY CALM!!!

If things are getting difficult, state indisputable facts, e.g. "This is a seminar and the issue cannot be resolved now". Make sure you state what you want, "I want to leave this until we all feel calmer" but always leave doors open - in other words, be prepared to negotiate a reasonable compromise or to find a bridge - even if you feel the other person should be taking the initiative. Also, in a group, write down the agreed solution so that it is clear and on record.

A final point, if you are working with people who are behaving in a more difficult way, then perhaps consider the fact that they may not be clear or happy about what is expected of them. Try to include them in key decisions, negotiate and clarify targets and ensure that their role offers sufficient challenge and interest.

A very last point, don't ever dump your feelings on another - if you're angry or sad about something that has little to do with the other person, don't unload your emotions on them. Long term this is bad news!